friendsfordinner | ic contact for tlv

[ He nods and settles down again and he starts reading before looking up at Hickey. ]

...you realize you murder someone on the first page?

[ Just... going to point that out there, kid. ]

I thought you had already read that page, [ Hickey grumbles, sounding very much like a teenager or someone in their early twenties instead of the grownass adult he actually is. ]

Then why did you say you aren't a murderer?

[ He doesn't actually sound offended or accusatory. It's another one of those questions where he's trying to understand. ]

Murderers are people who just...kill. Think about half the psychopaths we've got on the Barge, I'm not them. I killed that man for a reason. I needed to get out of London and he had my way out.

[ He tips his chin towards the knife that Hickey has. ]

I don't regret giving you that. Because if you believe you need to kill someone, you'll find a way to do it whether you have a knife or not. That knife just means that if someone decides to kill you, you have a better chance of surviving.

But part of becoming something else is knowing where you're starting. And you're starting in a place where before this moment, you decided that someone had to die for you to survive.

That makes you a murderer.

It also makes me a murderer.

[ Then technically speaking, despite how poor he was, you murdered Billy, a small little voice in the back of Hickey's head points out.

He promptly ignores it. ]

That's your definition, [ Hickey says, with a little shrug. ] Not mine. But I can entertain it during our conversation.

What's your definition for what you've done, then?

[ Not a challenge. A need for clarification. Maybe this is a language thing? ]

Survival and advancement.

[ There's a finality in Hickey's voice that says this line of the conversation's coming to a close. ]

[ Kiryu hears it.

And ignores it. ]

So your survival and advancement can only come at the death of others?

[ Hickey can't help but let out a bitter laugh at that. Of course that's how it works. ]

I deserve better than to die poor and cold in the gutter. But the way things are set up back home, if I played by the rules, if I did everything right, I would still die poor and cold in the gutter. So I make my own rules to try and get even the smallest fraction of what I deserve.

[ He listens, and there's almost nothing to read off of him until the end, when he nods. ]

Tell me about your rules.

Every man for himself. [ Hickey gives Kiryu a little shrug before continuing. ] I'll admit, it's nice to have friends. It's nice to have lovers. But at the end of the day, only you can keep yourself alive.

[ He listens, and he nods along, arms crossed, clearly thoughtful. He goes through everything Hickey's said, and what he knows of the man, and he frowns.]

Then you'll never achieve your dream.

[ Matter-of-fact. He's not even disapproving. He's just calling it how he sees it. ]

You have to decide which is more important: your rules or your dream.

[ Hickey goes a little quiet at that. Because honestly? He's not sure which of those is the most important. The thing that's kept him alive all these years or the thing that he constantly works towards. And he won't lie: it's not like relying solely on himself actually got him anywhere close to his goals. Sure, it might have been different if the ship didn't get frozen in, but it's no use thinking of what-ifs.

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he gives Kiryu a little nod of his head. Just an understated 'I understand.' Doesn't know what the hell choice he'll make, but he can at least trace Kiryu's train of thought. ]

[ Kiryu nods back, and it's clear he respects him more for accepting that truth. Needing some time is reasonable; he knows himself to be a little too hot-headed at times and this is a big decision. ]

You should take some time to consider it. If you want to talk with me about it, we can.

[ And it's clear that's not something he expects right now. ]

Not now, [ Hickey says, with a little shake of his head. ] But maybe later. After I consider it, like you said.

For now, we'll work on graduation. Agreed?

Agreed. [ there's a pause, before he teases, ] As I still want to get off of this bloody boat no matter what.

[ A single huff of a laugh. ]

And I want you to have the freedom to go where you want. We can agree on that.

Anyway, [ Hickey says, with a nod. ] D'you want to finish reading my file here and now or do you want to save it for later?

[ He considers it. ]

Would you mind if I read it and came to you with questions?

[ That might be quicker. ]

I'd give it to you to read but it's not in English.

[ The Admiral had been kind enough to remember his language preference. ]

[ Hickey can't help but let out a little laugh. Not in English. Yeah, that tracks. ]

I wouldn't mind that at all. You know where I live and how to reach me. Whenever you've got any questions, I'll give you answers.

Right.

[ There's nothing in that bundle of papers that will make him decide Hickey isn't worth his time or that he doesn't deserve everything they've talked about. So he'll nod. ]

See you at lunch?

[ Hickey gives Kiryu an appreciative nod. ]

I'll see you then.

ic contact for tlv

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