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"Obviously."

He's feeling stiff as well, ready to collapse and spend himself at any moment—a damn shame, as Hickey wants this to last for an eternity. "But kiss me while it's happening."

And he forces himself downward to try and kiss Crozier again, pushing his tongue in the other man's mouth. And it's only ten or so seconds later that Hickey groans in his captain's mouth and spends inside him. It's a sweet sensation that he hasn't felt in ages.

He pushes himself up as he holds fast to Hickey's head, gasping into his mouth as he feels him spill within him. It's the oddest sensation too, but not in a terrible way.

Crozier reaches down between them for himself, desperate to join him. He spends into his hand and over Hickey's stomach with a hiss, biting his lip again and kissing him fiercely.

Hickey feels the stickiness of Crozier's spend on his stomach. And then, moments later, he feels the tug of teeth on lips as he starts to kiss Crozier back, just as fiercely.

They're a sticky, sweaty, awful mess, but this is the happiest Hickey's been in ages.

God in heaven, he doesn’t want this moment to end. He kisses him back, over and over, until his body screams for him to lie back and relax for a minute.

He covers his face with his arm and exhales sharply. “Fuck.”

"Fuck indeed," Hickey quietly laughs. He looks down at Crozier, wide grin on his face, before he shifts his position so that he can lay down next to the man.

"I'll miss this," he quietly muses. "I'll miss you."

Crozier would have normally hesitated, but not this time. He pulls Hickey against his chest, wanting him to rest himself almost on top of him.

"So you're really going to leave."

"I am," Hickey says, as he leans into Crozier, just enjoying the feeling of body heat. "There's no way in hell I'm cut out to be a warden. I'd get demoted during my first month. It's better I leave this place and go back home to do what I need to do."

“Then…”

Then they must part.

“I’ve never been happier to have been wrong about someone.”

"And I've never been happier to prove someone wrong," Hickey says, with a little nod and smile.

"I'll find you again at some point. Trust me. And then we'll pick up where we left off."

"And what if I choose not to return?"

It needs to be said; he doesn't quite believe there will be a future. He doesn't blame him for being sentimental, of course, and he does wish to find him again. It's just...realism.

"I hope you do," Hickey quietly admits. "You're different in my time. You've changed. And the men need someone who's changed, who's capable and knows what they're doing."

There's a pause before Hickey admits, "If you had your shit in gear from the start, I doubt I'd have enough pull for a mutiny."

"And if I do head back, would it be too late to stop it? To stop any of it?"

There's a pained look that flits across his face. "What would I be going back to, if not a doomed expedition?"

There's a pause as Hickey thinks something over, frowning a little before he starts to talk again.

"I wasn't there, but I was told about what happened. One of the men was accidentally shot. He could have been left to die, but you went over to comfort him. To comfort and reassure him before he passed away."

Hickey shrugs a little, still thinking of poor Tom Hartnell. "That's what you're going back to. Even if everybody dies, better they die reassured and calm instead of scared and alone."

He doesn't want that responsibility. Why should he go back to pain and misery, when Hickey here gets to head off into the realm and time of his choosing?

"But then if I do go back," he adds quietly, looking down at Hickey's face. "Won't I loathe you?"

"I'll give you reason to loathe me," he quietly admits. Because he knows he will. Hickey knows he's not going to be an easy man to love when he's in the middle of things, stabbing Irving and starting a mutiny.

"But you'll see me again. The actual me, the man that I currently am." There's a pause before he admits, "I'm going back to the Arctic. I'll find you in the end."

He reaches down for Hickey's face, cupping it gently and pulling him up for a gently kiss. He needs to remember that he loves this man, this version of him, the one who has atoned and grown.

"I love you," he tells him softly.

Hickey kisses Crozier back, a small smile on his face as he looks over at Crozier. He's wanted this for Lord knows how long. And he's finally so happy that they see each other this way.

"I love you too," he nods. "I'll see you again. Trust me."

He hopes Hickey's right and that one day they'll be reunited. He's so optimistic about it, so certain.

He pushes his fingers through Hickey's hair. "I hope you find the right 'me'."

"I will," he says, like it's the most obvious thing ever. "And if I don't, then I'll just bug the Admiral for another deal and use that one to find you."

"You are the Admiral's favorite now," he says, managing a laugh.

This seems like the right way to end things, on an optimistic note. Hickey may have to leave him behind, but perhaps one day they'll be reunited again. Crozier will have graduated and decided then what to do with himself, and they'll meet as brand new people.

Perhaps they'll even build a life together some day.

It feels like the right way to end things in Hickey's mind as well. Better they leave like this, not with sadness.

"Now come on," he says, with a wry smirk. "I want to hold you long enough that we'll have something to remember." And he adjusts his position, solely for cuddles.

Crozier turns so that he can slide his arms around him, tucking Hickey's head under his chin. He smooths his hand along his back, breathing leveling out until he falls asleep.

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