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[ It's almost comical how Hickey's expression goes from preening at Kiryu's admission that he showed restraint to annoyed at the fact that apparently it's not good enough. ]

So what should I have done? Ignored him? It's a small boat, if someone wants to be a prick at me, I can't ignore them forever. Man's got to take a stand at some point.

[ He watches that transformation and he doesn't make any attempt to hide that he's aware of the annoyance. ]

A stand? What stand were you taking?

[ Not doubting him, not immediately. Not without hearing the answer. But if there's some part of this he isn't seeing, Hickey's going to have to tell it to him, explain to him. ]

Kick a dog enough and it'll bite back.

[ Which isn't really an answer. But Hickey isn't going to outright say 'this man's been giving me grief ever since I arrived on the ship and that's not even counting the whole mess with Stoker which I'm certain is his fault.' ]

Everybody knows that in my time. And now Jacobi knows it as well.

Your stand... was to make sure he knew you were a dog?

[ There's a little bit of challenge in there, but it's still kept lightly blunted, mild enough for all that it comes with a raised eyebrow. ]

My stand was to make sure he knew I wasn't one to fuck with, [ Hickey grumbles. ] It's a metaphor, Kiryu. Man's been giving me grief since I first arrived on the Barge. He needs to know actions have consequences.

And he doesn't.

[ Oh, he's not going to leave you that cushy illusion, Hickey. Take your satisfaction from the blood you got, but he's not letting you lie to yourself.]

It's not a metaphor. You taught him that you're a dog, baited into action, trainable and controllable. You don't teach someone that actions have consequences by giving them what they wanted.

[ He makes sure to find Hickey's eyes. ]

You're smarter than this.

[ He turns his hand and points at Hickey. ]

A man doesn't 'restrain' himself. Because when a man takes action, his heart, mind and soul are in alignment in an action he decided on. If that man said something that made you have to restrain yourself, it's because you've given that man, or those words, the power to make you nothing better than a mindless beast.

[ He lowers his hand. ]

If I thought that was the best you could do, 'restrain' that beast, I'd be satisfied.

I'm not.

You shouldn't be either if you believe you have it in you to be a great man.

[ To Hickey's credit, he's listening to Kiryu. He's frowning, taking things in, listening to what he says. But there's a bit of a disconnect in his words. ]

I wanted to stab him. I wanted to just take my knife, puncture his lung, teach that little shit a lesson. But I didn't. I just punched him. Are you saying that I should have stabbed that man instead?

[ He appreciates that Hickey's listening, and he understands that this is a difficult concept for many people to take in. And that's why he's still firm, but his tone is quieter. ]

Was that something you wanted because it would make you stronger? Serve your goals? Or was it something he made you feel because you were afraid to be weak?

The two are not the same thing.

Edited 2021-12-03 15:26 (UTC)

[ Hickey knows what the answer is. Jacobi had a way of pointing at all his insecurities, finding those things that Hickey hates about himself and digging in. But he also really doesn't want to tell Kiryu what the answer is. ]

I'm not weak, [ he points out, with a glare. ] I wanted to do it because it'd make him hurt.

[ He looks back at Hickey and raises a single eyebrow. He won’t call him out directly but… while that answered his question, it also didn’t answer the question. So he’ll wait for that. Let Hickey think about what he’s saying. ]

[ And Hickey just stares at Kiryu in return. He doesn't want to admit this. That someone like Jacobi knew how to strike in the right places and knew how to make him feel weak. The moment you admit weakness, that's how you know you're done for. So instead, he just stares back at Kiryu, as if daring the man to speak first. ]

[ Kiryu watches him for a moment but he doesn't take it as a dare. The conversation won't move without someone moving it. The silence was a courtesy. He has concerns about speaking. ]

Hiding your weakness from your allies only means there's no one there to help you when they're found by your enemies.

That assumes your allies will help you out to begin with. The only person a man can rely on in this world is himself.

Only if he never wants to be more than a body that survives.

[ Kiryu doesn’t even pause. ]

Self-reliance is important. But being able to let other people do what you can’t, or act where you shouldn’t, is a strength any person needs to truly succeed past that point. Especially a leader.

A leader who can’t think past his own survival leads nothing.

Back home, I had no other option than looking for my own survival. We were dying. I had to keep my men alive

And you’re not there anymore. You can’t keep looking back to that one example to apply to every situation.

Especially when what got you there in that situation is the very thinking you’re speaking for now.

Edited 2021-12-04 06:06 (UTC)

[ Hickey's still very tense, giving Kiryu a frown as he listens. He doesn't say what's in his mind: he doesn't have any other examples to look to. Instead, he glowers a bit. ]

Well when I find any allies I feel comfortable sharing my weakness with, I'll let you know.

You don't have to tell me.

[ And there's not a hitch of an insult there. If Hickey thought he was scoring a hit, not so much. And he can't tell him where to look. He has to find that himself. ]

It's for you, not for me.

[ Hickey, who was hoping for a hit, glowers a bit more. ]

Anything else you want to say?

If you feel like you need to hit something, come to me.

We'll go to the Enclosure. And we'll work it out.

[ Then he shakes his head. ]

I didn't have anything else. Did you have anything for me?

Nah, [ he says, with a shake of his own head. ] On your way, Warden.

Kiryu.

[ His tone is firm.

But that’s all he says as he gets up and grabs his flask from the floor.]

See you at work.

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