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Yes, but are you?

[At least they've strayed away from the conversation that had annoyed him at first.]

I'd like to think I am, [ Hickey shrugs. And then, thinking that this man might be the sort who's full of himself, he continues the conversation. ]

Course, a mutiny's nothing compared to an out and out dictatorship. Can't really hold a candle to that.

[Pagan waves a hand.] Power's power.

It doesn't matter the amount. It matters that you sought it out. And how you sought it out.

We had limited options back on Terror. The ship was frozen in the ice for three years, people were hanging on to whatever shred of normalcy they could get. And that meant for the majority of the group, they followed the captain. Even though he was constantly drunk. Even though he routinely made poor choices that seemed counter-intuitive to what we should do. Even though he deliberately kept the severity of our situation from us.

The tinned provisions were bad. There was something in them, a debility that made us weak. The captain learned that information and then kept it to himself for weeks. I was able to convince people to my side, that we should strike out on our own partly because of that fact. After all, if the captain kept that from us, what else would he be keeping?

[Pagan listens patiently, nodding once and gesturing for him to continue. He takes a drink. Mutiny and cannibalism talk means his sobriety goes out the window.]

[ Completely understandable. Hickey gives Pagan a little nod before the conversation continues. ]

Unfortunately, Captain Crozier decided that my actions went too far. Never mind the fact that he kept the secret of the tins from us or that he almost walked out himself, abandoning the mission at the start of things. I was almost hung. Fortunately, my group and I managed to escape. We made it on our own for a bit but eventually it became obvious: we needed meat.

There was one member of our party close to death. When he died, I had the surgeon butcher him. We ate well that night.

[A long drink. Gross. Says the man who bathed in yak's blood.]

Wait, wait, wait.

Why were you almost hung? What were the charges? Even stranded, there had to be some semblance of order. Was it simply the mutiny?

[ What do you MEAN selectively not mentioning certain details won't work? Hickey pauses for a moment before just nonchalantly answering, ]

I mean, I also murdered a man. Thought I staged it well enough that most of the camp thought the natives did the deed.

[Pagan laughs a bit at that.]

Ah, so you murdered a man, framed it badly, and staged a mutiny.

I would have shot you. But they obviously failed to hang you. So you got to do the more colorful crimes.

[ He bristles a bit at that. Badly? He framed it perfectly well, thank you very much. The only person who suspected was Crozier. ]

I think Captain Crozier wanted to set an example of me. After all, he wasn't aware who was in my group or if they'd try again after I was gone.

Clever, to keep your group hidden, then.

[He gestures for him to continue.]

After you butchered the man - then what?

We kept on going, [ Hickey admits, with a little shrug. ] Most of the men kept on going to try and find a way out of the Arctic. But for myself, there was something greater I was interested in.

I saw a god up there. And I thought I knew how I could gain some of it's power. I wanted that.

[Pagan takes a pause here.]

Ah. Wait. A god? A literal god?

[ Hickey nods. And as he talks, some worrying intensity slips into his voice. ]

It took the form of a bear, but it walked on two legs. It could tear a man's soul from his body, leaving the shell breathing and whole but not alive. It bisected two of our men in half and returned them to us, one man's top half stacked on top of a different man's lower half. I saw that thing commune with it's shaman, I know it's a god.

[Pagan's...not so sure. It sounds more like a monster. But he doesn't argue the point because that sort of intensity?

Yeah, he knows it.]

I don't suppose getting its power worked well for you.

I did what I was supposed to do, [ Hickey points out, defensively. ] But instead of taking my tongue, like the thing should have done, it ripped me in half.

[ quite literally. Hickey draws in on himself a little bit, as if by rubbing the sides of his arms, he can physically hold himself together. ]

[Pagan refills Hickey's drink.

Well, he didn't expect to find that this man was totally bonkers, but hey. Small surprises.]

Ah. Tragic.

Still, you landed here. Making you at least somewhat redeemable.

I landed here because the Admiral asked 'want to not be dead' and I said 'yes,' [ he grumpily remarks, taking a large swig of his drink. ]

I'll admit, a few of my actions were a little bit misguided, [ he can't really justify murdering Irving and he knows it, ] but what's so wrong about a man wanting to better himself? Wanting to live?

Oh, nothing, I suppose. [He shrugs.]

But the Admiral doesn't bring on just anyone.

So what, [ Hickey points out, with a little laugh. ] You honestly think I'm 'redeemable?'

[ though he doesn't physically make the air quotes, they're audible in his voice. ]

Well. It doesn't matter what I think. Most people don't think I'm redeemable.

They've said as much to my face.

[ Hickey lets out a sharp little laugh before he points out, ]

I suspect the two of us are in the same boat then.

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about people from my world being around.

No one's ever decided to show up.

Lucky. I'm bleeding people who know me—but it's never the right people.

[Well, that's interesting news. Pagan nods.]

Mm. And who would you want to see?

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